Round 14 some clever pun on ACME I can't summon

round	opponent	us	them
14	wily coyotes	155	129

BATTING

PAIR		OUTS	RUNS
	jimmy	2	20
1	slem	2	8
	extras		2
		4	30
	jamie	0	19
2	richo	0	23
	extras		6
		0	48
	g	0	23
3	keano	0	20
	extras		6
		0	49
	damo	6	-12
4	nachos	0	36
	extras		4
		6	28
		10	155

BOWLING

	DOTS	WICKETS	RUNS	EXTRAS
damo	4	1	20	4
g	2	2	12	0
jamie	2	1	28	4
jimmy	4	2	7	0
keano	4	2	10	2
nachos	3	1	17	2
richo	4	0	27	2
slem	5	2	8	4
		11	129

(elbow pads) Match Slapper: Jamie


After a fairly tense affair back in Round 9, this weeks match simmered nicely without flaring up. Aside that is from yours truly getting into it with one of the batting pairs over the lack of decisions in my favour from the chair. There does seem to be a pattern, I fear I may have become the fat in the fire.

Tremendously solid batting from the Slappers, aside from one corrosive element. No need to say too much more about that. Slem and Jimmy look a very solid new combination and handled their promotion to opening duties with aplomb. After the opening exchanges no other Slapper gave away their wicket, except for an uncharacteristic 6 from Damo. Richo brought at least 6 people in the crowd to their feet with a superb straight drive for maximum runs, while Nicky was in vintage touch powering away to reset the Slap Honour individual mark at 36 while coping with a partner sadly out of touch. After the match, the Skipper announced a new category for the honour board, with the working title of DisSlapper (suggestions welcome) so be sure to check out Damage's inaugural feat.

Also a timely batting effort, as the Wily Coyotes had answers for most of what we tried with the ball. Some tight fielding from all aside, props to Keano (2/10), Slem (2/8) and Jimmy (2/7) for providing the difference.

Despite said issues with the bat, Damo was superb in the field and at the bowling crease. The man has golden hands. McGregor is settling in nicely to fielding up front and appropriately in a match in which Nick dropped a most painful looking catch, he held possibly the most painful looking catch seen at Five Dock yet. Commitment of this degree and a solid night in all facets saw the MatchSlapper trophy departing in his new Vodafone kit bag, part of an exciting and deserved new sponsorship deal for the Kiwis in the side.

Round 13 steppin' up

round	opponent	us	them
13	the entertainers	101	86

BATTING

PAIR		OUTS	RUNS
	ivan	0	21
1	sam	4	-6
	extras		8
		4	23
	jimmy	1	20
2	slem	1	16
	extras		4
		2	40
	johnny	3	3
3	richo	3	3
	extras		4
		6	10
	dylan	3	9
4	g	1	15
	extras		4
		4	28
		16	101

BOWLING

SLAPPER	DOTS	WICKETS	RUNS	EXTRAS
dylan	2	4	7	2
g	4	3	17	0
ivan	4	1	25	6
jimmy	3	4	2	4
johnny	2	4	7	0
richo	3	2	11	0
sam	1	5	2	2
slem	6	2	15	0
		25	86

Match Slapper: Slem

Following the shellacking last week, the Skipper rushed himself back into his dual role of player and selector. His timing, as ever, exquisite when it was announced we were to face up to first grade outfit The Entertainers. Events weren't running to plan when Rob announced himself unavailable just on game time - Dyl thankfully jumped off the bench to ensure we fielded the full complement.

We had a bat first and ground out a competitive score. Slem and Jimmy were particularly composed under fire to post a pivotal 40 runs. The Skip batted himself with the 'Class and several kinds of chaos ensued, culminating in a highly adventurous 'gypsy' on the jackpot ball that even Johnny couldn't make. In fairness to Johnny he was half way out the net when Richo called him through.

With 101 to chase down the Skipper's decision to open with some legspin from Sam seemed laudably aggressive, but the tone was set when the first ball departed for the back net. Jimmy shrugged off a recent spate of half-volleys in putting somewhat of a stop to the high and wide antics with some tight bowling in the fourth, two timely wickets keeping the openers to 48. Things looked a little daunting with almost half the runs in their bag, but we answered with 8 wickets in the second pair in keeping them to 9. Having gone for 18 off the first over of the match Sam produced the pivotal over in the 10th, taking 4/-16, with able support from Jimmy leaving the third pair with a neatly compiled -1.

Should have been easy street but yours truly was yet to bowl a second over, 19 runs later they had a sniff. Dylan covered said ass with 3 wickets before Johnny wiped all their hopes with a polished finish. Slem was a popular choice for MatchSlapper after some dour batting under pressure and setting the tone in the field, as many of us looked like laying our heads on the block at any moment.

Round 12 perhaps not

round	opponent	them	us
12	obnoxious weeds	152	80

BOWLING

SLAPPER	DOTS	WICKETS	RUNS	EXTRAS
g	3	1	16	0
ivan	5	2	8	8
jamie	3	1	25	2
jimmy	1	0	37	4
johnny	6	1	12	8
keano	1	2	24	4
rob	4	1	14	2
sam	5	1	16	0
		9	152

BATTING

PAIR	SLAPPER	OUTS	RUNS
1	jamie	3	-4
	keano	0	22
	extras		6
2	ivan	3	0
	sam	2	16
	extras		2
3	g	2	6
	jimmy	1	17
	extras		2
4	johnny	2	10
	rob	4	-1
	extras		4
		17	80

Match Slapper: Ivan

Solid games from Keano (once he arrived), Sam and Match Slapper Ivan.

We bowled too short outside off stump unless we were over-pitching. Yours truly led the side poorly, sorry for the brain explosion/s. The Skipper's re-appearance cannot come soon enough.

The batting was an aberration, clearly.

Frustrating evening for all, but then, there's always next week.

Round 11 front runners?

round	opponent	us	them
11	the bros	more	less

BATTING
tba

BOWLING
tba

(savoring it a little too much?) Match Slapper: Dylan

We're certainly giving the other sides something to think about - like how much they want to belt us when next we play. The table saw us hot on the heels of the top ranked side The Bros. They did take two skins from the game and a shirt bonus (yes I forgot them but we were laden with ring-ins anyway...) but we may have done enough to jump atop the standings. Speaking of ring-ins, we went straight to the top shelf tonight - Rob returning for a final hit out before being officially related to John, while after a long absence back into the side to lead the chatter was Dylan.

Unfortunately the scorecard is a dogs breakfast - not a good sign for the umpire they were training. A forensic examination ball-by-ball should allow me to reconstruct the match figures - look out for that in about December.

Ivan really bent the ball around tonight picking up a valuable jackpot ball wicket. Rob looked solid at the crease, but with ball in hand he was causing real problems generating plenty of pace and movement.

Dylan can talk a good game but he's also pretty handy with bat and ball. Still, his taunting really adds to the atmosphere - particularly memorable was his staring down of the young fella playing for the other mob. It appeared to do the trick, he really did come an awful cropper thereafter. A happy Match Slapper in a two horse race between himself and Sam.

Round 10 fast and the furious: tokyo drift

round	opponent	them	us
10	the frogs	100	103

BOWLING

	DOTS	WICKETS	RUNS	EXTRAS
damo	3	2	10	4
g	4	3	0	2
ivan	4	1	20	4
jamie	3	1	15	6
jimmy	3	2	8	0
lenno	4	1	14	6
nachos	4	1	10	0
sam	4	1	23	4
	29	12	100	26

BATTING

PAIR	SLAPPER	OUTS	RUNS
1	jamie	3	3
	jimmy	0	15
	extras		10
		3	28
2	lenno	0	20
	sam	2	7
	extras		2
		2	29
3	g	0	16
	ivan	3	6
	extras		2
		3	24
4	damo	2	6
	nachos	1	12
	extras		4
		3	22
		11	103

Match Slapper: G

A strong turn out this week as we again prepared to say sayonara to Lenno on another leave of absence from the side. Apt we were playing the Frogs.

Frogs rhymes with Flogs and the similarities dont end then it seems. Despite the tensions, it was a pretty enjoyable jaunt as only the tight contests provide.

Nach unveiled some very innovative and attractive use of the arse in denying the bowler a chance at his wicket, it certainly had its admirers around the centre though it was sending the Frogs apoplectic.

Lenno was solid as a rock this week in his latest farewell match, capping off what has been a long and strong period of all-round form. No need for us to get emotional and talk about his loss to the side as the lad clearly cant help himself and will be back in the fold before we know it.

Five Dock Days - Rounds 6 to 9

Round 9 v wily coyotes

round	opponent	us	them
9	wily coyotes	95	90

BATTING

PAIR

SLAPPER

OUT

RUNS

1	g	2	4
	keano	1	20
	extras		2
		3	26
2	jamie	1	15
	slem	5	-3
	extras		2
		6	14
3	damo	0	29
	nachos	0	28
	extras		6
		0	63
4	lenno	4	-5
	sam	5	-7
	extras		4
		9	-8

18

95

BOWLING

	DOTS	WICKETS	RUNS	EXTRAS
damo	3	0	29	2
g	2	2	18	2
jamie	0	1	29	0
keano	5	2	7	2
lenno	5	4	-10	2
nachos	5	2	3	2
sam	3	2	13	2
slem	4	3	1	4
	27	16	90	16

(dead eye double) MatchSlapper: Damo

Fair to say a game not played in the best of spirits, be interesting to see how things go when next we meet.

Keano will be relieved to hear that there will be no repeats of this weeks experiment with his opening partner, this patient Slap had to work hard to produce a decent start in counteracting the hacker up the other end.

Damo and Nick asserted themselves atop the batting slap honours board with a superb partnership of 63, we all knew how special it was from the accompanying auto-commentary.

A commanding total ranged into view before Lenno then absolutely mashed the self destruct button, though fair to say he was going press for press with Sam.

With only 95 to defend it was always going to be tight. Nicky, Slem and Keano bowled great overs to keep the pressure on. Lenno produced two particularly vigourous overs, the second a real credit to him after an eye-watering groin impact when fielding at legside left him looking somewhat pale.

With 14 to defend from the last over to win the task of bowling it fell to Jamie. With four balls remaining they already had 9 of the runs needed but they had chanced their arm too many times, Damo producing a memorable direct hit at the bowlers end from cover proving to be the difference as we clinched the game 95 to 90.


Round 8 v blurry faces

round	opponent	us	them
8	blurry faces	136	110

BATTING

PAIR

SLAPPER

OUT

RUNS

1	keano	1	14
	slem	2	2
	extras		8
		3	24
2	lenno	0	28
	richo	1	13
	extras		4
		1	45
3	damo	2	6
	g	1	23
	extras		0
		3	29
4	johnny	2	19
	nachos	2	9
	extras		10
		4	38
		11	136

BOWLING

	DOTS	WICKETS	RUNS	EXTRAS
damo	2	0	25	4
g	1	2	20	8
johnny	4	3	1	8
keano	5	2	5	4
lenno	3	2	16	4
nachos	3	2	12	4
richo	3	3	4	4
slem	2	1	27	10
	23	15	110	46

(triple) MatchSlapper: Richo


The cavalcade of returning Slaps continued this week when The Masterclass graced us with his presence in the lead up to his wedding. He was straight back to his usual antics with a second ball look away run out, bowling too well for most and miming wiping shit of his bat at every opportunity.

Tired of watching us spill chances Richo took a memorable caught-and-bowled that wowed Match Slap voters regardless of stout figures all round. As always the Skipper will be a great loss to the side as he returns to Melbourne evaluating potential Slap franchisees.


Round 7 v obnoxious weeds

round	opponent	us	them
7	obnoxious weeds	166	126

BATTING

PAIR	SLAPPER	OUT	RUNS
1	jamie	2	16
	keano	1	11
	extras	0	6
		3	33
2	ivan	3	-1
	nachos	1	29
	extras	0	8
		4	36
3	damo	1	20
	g	1	12
	extras	0	6
		2	38
4	lenno	0	23
	sam	0	30
	extras	0	6
		0	59
		9	166

BOWLING

	DOTS	WICKETS	RUNS	EXTRAS
damo	3	1	14	6
g	0	3	2	4
ivan	4	0	17	6
jamie	1	0	33	2
keano	5	1	9	4
lenno	6	1	13	8
nachos	4	0	18	4
sam	5	0	20	2
	28	6	126	36

Match Slapper: G


(An albeit rusty) Damo returned in fine style bar forgetting to pack his shirt. His appearance was overshadowed for many however when favourite Slap Nicky signaled he was ready to return from hiatus.


Round 6 v The Rajs

round	opponent	us	them
6	the rajs	149	94

BATTING

PAIR	SLAPPER	OUT	RUNS
1	ivan	0	21
	lenno	0	16
	extras		10
		0	47
2	jimmy	0	20
	keano	1	11
	extras		16
		1	47
3	jamie	1	12
	richo	4	-5
	extras		4
		5	11
4	g	0	18
	slem	0	20
	extras		6
		0	44
		6	149

BOWLING

	DOTS	WICKETS	RUNS	EXTRAS
g	1	2	15	2
ivan	3	1	15	6
jamie	1	1	30	6
jimmy	4	4	-1	0
keano	1	1	28	12
lenno	6	3	-2	4
richo	5	4	-5	2
slem	3	2	14	4
	24	18	94	36

Priestos Memorial Match Slapper: Lenno


An awful day for Pitchslap, lost in far more significant ways than finding Queens Road in Five Dock.

The centre owners must have been wondering as to whether we were going to lob every week liquored up, with a rowdy contingent of similarly lubricated supporters in tow.

In the end we cruised to a win that likely left the centre little option but to dispatch the Rajs to 4th grade.